The Signs and Their Cars

Aries: Will be at the car showrooms at 9am to get the latest model to show off to all his friends. Also the first to put it up a tree while waving at the neighbours and shouting "Look at me!"

Taurus: They’ll get the newest version of whatever car they’re been driving up till now. No sense in going out on a limb to buy something unfamiliar now is there?

Gemini: They’ll have two cars, of course: the family car will be any old thing to take the kids out in on weekends; the other one will belong to Gemini only and be loaded with extra features to give it class — racing stripes, shiny alloys, GPS, DVD player and stereo speakers, sun roof ....

Cancer: Will have some cute little car that looks like a toy — beetle bug, dune buggy, Mini - a child-car that hasn’t fully grown up yet. She’ll have pet names for it. She’ll apologise to it for taking it over rough terrain and try to coax it along with soothing words.

Leo: What else but a bright red Jaguar, so that everyone will be able to recognise him/her.

Virgo: After consulting all the motoring magazines, Virgo settles for a Volvo. Good visibility on all sides, excellent safety record, high MPG, able to withstand winters without rusting. Big enough to survive an accident.

Libra: Will have whatever her/his friend thinks the Libra should drive.

Scorpio: Their car will be whatever the opposite sex will think the Scorpio looks good driving or might want to get into. Tinted windows, soft leather reclining seats, drinks bar, big back seat....

Sagittarius: Any old box that will get from A to B without inflicting too many casualties.

Capricorn: A Mercedes, a BMW, or some other big luxury car that says Cappy has arrived in life.

Aquarius: Goes to a custom-car dealer and buys a model that nobody’s ever heard of that’s made from recycled materials, runs on vegetable oil and does 300 mpg.

Pisces: "You mean I have to learn to drive? What for?"